39 Weeks : Baby Shower

When a friend of mine wanted to plan a baby shower for me a few days before I was going to be 39 weeks pregnant, I was certain my baby would be in attendance.  This is the first time I have been pregnant for this long.  My longest pregnancy in the past was 38 weeks and 4 days.  I know to most people I should not be complaining.  A lot of people go to 42 weeks, but for my tiny frame, space is running out.  The baby's head is so low, I dream about giving birth without realizing it.  Plus, I look the way most women look at 40 plus weeks.  No clothing fits and I cannot imagine this lasting much longer.

Enough of the complaining though.  I think I was supposed to go to my shower still pregnant.  It was such a blessing to me.  All this time, I have spent a lot of my pregnancy feeling isolated and disconnected.  It is hard to venture out of the house with three to four kids.  This last trimester my mom has been sick and in bed for almost three months.  I was afraid she would not be able to be involved with the birth.  So on top of not leaving my house much, my family dinners once a weeks were canceled and I spent my main social time on the phone.  This is basically what kept me feeling like a part of the rest of the world during this time.  My shower gave me a level of confidence, love, and support that I did not realize I needed.

Since I have four kids already, the shower was for me.  We had treats and sat drinking tea.  My favorite moments in life have been sitting around drinking tea with friends and family.  There was one fun game, but a lot of the time was devoted to blessing.  It was great, because blessed I was.  It has been ages since I have received prayer from a group of strong Christian women.  As they all prayed for me in turn I realized that everything I was struggling with was taken care of.  Each person's prayer matched with something I needed prayer for without me saying a word.  I felt at peace, relaxed, and released to really accept getting ready for this baby.  It has been challenging to think that a fifth child will fit in our home.  Our car will be filled and puzzled pieced together creatively with car seats.  Every time I walk past the birth tub I think about how nice it will be to finally get rid of it and have my room back, instead of focusing on how great it will be to have a baby in it. (Last time the birth tub really made the experience something I can barely describe with words.)  A part of me still does not feel like I will really have another baby in a few days.  I am thankful for these extra days of full nights of sleep and more time for me, but I also look forward to meeting my new baby. 

So as I trek into the unknown weeks for pregnancy, the ones I never thought I would experience, I am learning about not worrying so much.  If my labor is fast I need to accept that and if it is slow I need to figure out a way to cherish it.  This is much more easier said than done of course.  My cranky attitude is creeping up an me constantly.  A friend told me yesterday that the baby that took 42 weeks to come out is a very calm and peaceful child.  How much does the baby's personality play into his or her entry to the world?  I know I had so many struggles with the birth of my third child, but he is the one that runs up to everyone and hugs them.  He is loving and gentle and people have asked to borrow him.  So as I grow frustrated by the day, it is nice to think, maybe this baby is just happy and relaxed inside my belly.