This pregnancy I cannot believe I actually made it this long! I know I feel ready around thirty seven weeks most pregnancies, but this time I was even having so many practice contractions. Now here I am in what I like to refer to as the eye of the storm. All the practice contractions of settled down and the only sign they ever existed is the fact that I have a baby's head literally between my legs. I asked my midwife jokingly how much lower the head could really get? It is already hindering my ability to lift up my legs. I only experienced this one other time, with my second child. We will have to wait and see how this works during actual labor, because at this point I feel like a time bomb.
Our room is fully ready for the birth now. We put together the birth tub and even filled it a couple of nights ago, when I was sure I was going to have my baby. Last night we emptied the tub again. In some ways I am glad we went through all of this because the tub we have this time around is a bit smaller than our last one and we realized we will need way less time to fill it. I think it will only take about an hour. Now I am less worried about filling to tub before I give birth.
For the last two nights we have been sleeping on a shower curtain. Let me back up, for the birth, we have one set of clean sheets on our bed, a shower curtain, and then an old set of sheets on top of that. I keep thinking we should just get rid of the plastic layer and the old sheet set until I really feel labor, but there is a comfort in knowing I will not be getting up in the middle of the night, in labor, to remake my bed for the birth. So this is a mini debate in my head at this point.
We already ate all the crackers I bought for labor, but that is alright, we can buy some more. Our house is messy again, and with four kids, keeping the place as clean as I am going to want it for the birth is just about impossible. I have settled a little bit for trying to go to bed with the floors and the counters in my kitchen clean. Our bedroom, where we plan to give birth, is easier to keep clean, but full of birth supplies. Last time around I some how managed to get the house spotless just hours before my water broke, so maybe there is still some hope?
Now that the birth is so close it is hard to think about anything else. I have been working with two different midwives this pregnancy as one of them is on a trip until later this week. It is strange picturing my birth two different ways. In the hospital there is always a chance your doctor might not be on call, but with midwives there is a special kind of connection that happens between the mother and the midwife and the baby and the midwife. I guess it all depends on when the baby is ready. In the past, I have had my babies around 38 weeks and 4 days. So that means Friday, but babies tend to come when they want to and the formula is unpredictable.
My kids are great at asking me daily when the baby will come out and if it is today. The two older kids want to see the baby come out. This is the first time they have been old enough to ask. I am not sure how I feel about this. It could be great, or really stressful for me to have them there. Even though I have been through this so many times, labor is labor and I like having my husband to myself and QUIET. I do know plenty of people who have their children at the birth and think it could be really special for them. I know that we have all gone through this pregnancy together and the kids have been just as present in the entire process.
The perfect birth situation at this point for me would be to have the baby in the night when all the kids are sleeping. Then they could wake up to the surprise of our new family member. That would be so great. Again, if only it were that simple. I have had one baby first thing in the morning, two of the just before midnight, and one around dinner time.
Waiting only gets more and more interesting the more times I go through this. I have too much to compare too at this point. I know this labor will surprise me and be different for all the others somehow. The pregnancy already is. It is amazing how different every child is, making each birth unique. When birth is thought of as a scientific formula, one misses the mystery of it all. Even though I hope for certain things to be like past births, I look forward to seeing how different it can be this time around.
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