31 Weeks: The Privilege of Birth

Yes, I know that I still have several weeks to go.  I am reminded by this every time some asks me if I am due soon.  However, thinking about labor and delivery comes and goes throughout the entire pregnancy.  I have just recently gotten to the point where it is an obsession.  For someone who has already done this four other times it should be down to an art by now, but every baby and birth is different.

When I began my first birthing journey, I knew very little about my rights as a laboring mother.  I thought I had read all the important books and having a natural childbirth would be easy.  Nobody had told me otherwise and the hospital where I planned to have my baby raved about their love for natural childbirth.  Every birthing room was filled with balance balls, rocking chairs, tubs, and many other ways to manage pain without drugs.  Little did I know how rarely anyone dared to ask for an actual natural birth.

My birth situation became unnatural almost the second I arrived at the hospital.  My bag of waters broke and I had no sign of contractions.  I was barely thirty-seven weeks.  Not realizing that some women can go seventy two hours like this without any major complications to the baby, I did what any first-time mom would do.  I wanted answers and so we went into the hospital.  After all, what does labor actually feel like?  Would I have known at that point?

When I got to the hospital I was faced with deciding to be induced after only four hours of 'labor.'  My husband and I were very opposed and I had read enough to know that I had the right to wait twenty-four hours once admitted to the hospital.  That is what we did, but my labor was not progressing.  Maybe it was the space I was in, or the pressure to come up with contractions out of thin air.  Hours went by and I was induced in the middle of the night.  Had I known how painful this would be I would have asked the nurse to wake up my husband before she induced me.  I was on the other side of a fairly large room in a rocking chair.  Every contraction made me feel as if my entire body would split in two.  I wanted to cry, but I did not have the energy.  The nurse kept bothering me and telling me I was trying to be too strong and I should get an epidural.  NO WAY WAS ANYONE ADDING MORE DRUGS TO MY SYSTEM! Unfortunately, two hours of feeling scared and alone I caved into taking a relaxant.  I felt like I had to do something.  My husband woke up just as the nurse came in with the drug.  After this I felt like half a person.  My maternal ability to take in my labor was gone.  Six hours later I felt like I could not breathing and as I pushed my baby out a nurse gave me oxygen.  I was placed in the worst position ever, on my back, causing my pelvis to be narrow.  My baby was only five pounds and four ounces, but for kicks, instead of changing my birth position, I was sliced and stitched up.  After this experience I still wanted to know what natural child birth felt like.  What was a real working contraction like?

I am thankful that a lot of my questions were answered during the birth of my second child.  This was the perfect hospital birth.  We had moved away from the larger hospital where I had my first child.  At first I was skeptical about the hospital in our new small, town, but I had no idea how much better it would be.  The doctors were family practice doctors and most of them were used to natural child birth.  It was strongly encouraged.  None of the nurses even brought up the epidural when I was in labor.  I spent as much time in the tub as I wanted and was free to move around without being hooked up to a baby monitor.  It only took me about five hours from early labor on.  My daughter looked right at me as I pushed her out.  This experience was amazing.  I felt like my labor and delivery had been too easy.  I was almost disappointed I had not needed to work harder. 

When it was time to deliver my third baby I could not wait to have another calm experience at our nice little hospital.  This was not the case.  I somehow was due when the rest of town was having a baby.  I was one of the first to enter the hospital, but the nurses would not shut up about all the people they were expecting in the birth center the next couple of days.  There was all this pressure to either pick up my labor quick or just go home.  I felt abandoned and completely uncared for this time.  I went home when my labor was not progressing and the second I was home I would feel contractions again.  When we got back tot he hospital everything stopped.  When my water finally broke I really did not want to go to the hospital at all.  I had regular contractions, so we finally decided to go back in.  The day passed by quickly.  I never saw a nurse and once again thought if I were to be at the pushing phase, would anyone be here to help us catch my baby?  This was the longest birth process ever and in the end I had to be induced.  I was angry and frustrated when the whole thing was over.  I knew what my body could do and something about my experience was horribly wrong.

To top off my frustration I found out I was pregnant again just a few months later!  This time I went to see a midwife.  There was no way I wanted to have another horrible hospital experience.  I would wake up in the middle of the night, angry at the hospital.  Having a baby at home had to be better.  I was not thrilled about home birth like some people because of silly things.  What if my house was not clean enough?  How would I stop myself from trying to do house work seconds after birth?  Who would feed us?  All those kind of things, not the birth itself.  I was not scared of my overall safety.  I knew my body could give birth without any problems. 

This labor was strange for me.  I felt like the birth would go fast when I woke up with my bag of waters broken and very strong working contractions.  We called the midwife and I was not sure she would even make it on time.  When she arrived everything stopped!  I could hardly believe it.  Somehow I was still afraid of giving birth from my last experience.  It took about a half a day for me to relax enough for my contractions to come back.  Then they did they were really irregular.  Longs painful contractions with about a half an hour in between.  It was strange, but when things picked up it was only a couple of hours before I was holding my beautiful baby.  She was born in water, making it an extra special experience.  Why had I waited so long for a home birth? 

A good midwife is willing to see how your body responds to labor.  She is willing to hear you and empower you to trust your body.  Now that I am going to have my fifth baby, I look forward to the birth experience, even the painful contractions.  Women do not realize what a gift it is to be able to give birth in the first place.  The connection a woman had between herself and the baby during birth is a real privilege.  I used to think that it was something one just had to bare to have a child, but this attitude is missing the point.  Parenting begins with protecting the baby through to process of birth.  Labor, though painful at times is exciting and enjoyable if you abandon yourself and miracle of birth.