This is a strange post for people who don't know me very well. There was a time in my life when all of my friends knew that I went through a mastectomy my freshman year of college. Now this part of my life is fading into a distant memory except for times when I want to go swimming pregnant and I need to wear my prosthetic in order to feel normal wearing a swimsuit.
I should back up to the fact that I live in the northwest and have not been swimming much in the last six years. I had breast reconstruction after my mastectomy so I did not feel strange wearing a bathing suit until pregnancy. When I started having children I had to learn about something most doctors could not teach me about. How does one buy a nursing bra when one breast is two or three sizes bigger than the other one? With my first child I bought a bra based on the size of my actual breast, but then I had to thinking about balancing the other side out. I tried shoulder pads. This sounds odd, but I really did not know what else to do. This worked for a couple of babies, but by my third pregnancy I began to notice a back ache that seemed related to having only one breast. When I asked my doctor about my back pain he did not seem to think it was related to my mastectomy, but willing wrote a prescription for a prosthetic. I did not expect my insurance to cover the cost because I had already had reconstruction, but there was a special case coverage based on my pregnancy. This prosthetic changed my life. I was able to walk correctly and fix my posture to the point when my back no longer hurt. The added bonus was I could make my body look normal again, but it was mostly about comfort.
Now I had to think about going a step further. I was in California with a strong desire to swim considering the temperature was in the 90's one day. Wearing a bathing suit is challenging enough pregnant. Between stretch marks and fat that is normally not there, it is not a time anyone I know is thrilled to walk around showing of her body. On top of this I needed to find a solution to the fact that there is no market for women younger than thirty wanting a stylish swimsuits with mastectomy pockets for a prosthetic that will go over a pregnant belly.
I found myself at a mastectomy specialty boutique buying a bathing suit that would normally be two sizes too big. It was not the most thrilling bathing suit, but it would looked good enough for me to wear in public. Going to the store was a different story. Sitting in the waiting room I felt lost in the past. All my memories of loosing my breast came back to me. My first response was to give up on the bathing suit and run away. Most of the time I feel like a normal mother with four children, but this particular day I had to remember I was not.
Thankfully the lady in the store was very nice and made me feel more at ease. She was helpful when I said I wanted a swimsuit that did not look like something my grandmother would wear. Though the selection was minimal, I felt a new sense of confidence knowing I had forced myself to buy a swimsuit in my condition. I was even brave enough to wear it a my husband's friend's pool. One never really gets over having a mastectomy, but most of the time it is easy to forget about it. It is strange, but true.
I have only met one other woman in my situation. It is rare, but very real to those of us dealing my such a huge change in one's body. In my case, I am thankful for my life and the fact that my particular breast disease (fibro mitosis of the breast a rare breast disease) could be cured by a mastectomy. Unfortunately, I have realized that I may never be completely thrilled with only having one breast. It's just the reality of my situation I guess.
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